“You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.”
First day of self-examination looks like this…
Me, running upstairs with a fistful of chocolate thin mint cookies in my hand, shutting my bedroom door and proceeding to devour all five of them at once before I begin a new project. I could barely swallow them fast enough. Why? Because they were going to be the last of the sweets for awhile. This coming week my Lenten journey will take me through a progressive fast. The first thing I felt led to lay aside was chocolate.
I love chocolate. I eat it every. single. day.
I joke about how I must have chocolate, but I really must.
There are days in the classroom when tension is wound tight and I reach for a square of dark chocolate and its semi-bitterness melts into a smooth liquid paste that clings to my tongue and spills over my teeth. I can actually feel endorphins filling my being and I am utterly blissed.
I keep a stash in my lunch box, my refrigerator, my purse, the pantry and of course, my teacher cupboard.
So once the last chocolate cookie crumb fell, I felt the nudge of God and a thought immediately flooded my brain.
Is this what gluttony looks like?
Is gluttony about shoving all the pleasure I can into one small moment because who knows when my next moment is going to come?
I felt the gaze of a good, good Father as I began to think about the things I am gluttonous for besides chocolate. Things I sometimes turn to before I turn to eternal things.
My. own. personal. space.
These shout out the still, small voice of God at times.
I didn’t think about it much until I wiped my mouth after the last bite of cookie was gone.
But, because I said yes to self-examination and to going into my abyss with God, He was there!
He was there and He was kind enough to let me know there is nothing that will satisfy me the way He can. Wipe my mouth, O’ God. Wipe my heart.
Gluttony is not a secret vice.-Orson Welles