When There Is No Father’s Day Card

There is no Father’s Day card.

There is no square, no rectangle of blue and brown, no words calligraphed over sepia tones or black and white photos.

The words written between the folds are not true for everyone.

There is no card when there has been no fathering.

I used to be jealous of the shoulder-to-shoulder human clump feigning politeness as it moved collectively bumping up against the card display trying to find the perfect words and the perfect picture for the perfect dad.

I’ve wanted to tell that clump “You’re looking in the wrong place”, but that would have been unkind.

Yet, it’s the truth.

We won’t find what we’re looking for on this terra firma.

Since we are hard-wired to celebrate, so we must.

Every third Sunday in June our culture tells us to celebrate a person who, for many of us, should be celebrated.

Both a father and a mother are to be honored…we are commanded by the One Who holds us in the palm of His Hand to do that very thing.

His commands are a part of His brilliance.  He knows that honoring yields a blessing.

But what of the father…or mother…who leaves?

What of the father who forsakes the job of fathering?

What of the mother who forsakes the natural ache of mothering?

There is no card for that.

Yet the command to honor is not dependent on whether the cards lining the box store shelves ring true or not.

Honor your father and mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Millions of hearts hang heavy on a day set aside to celebrate the staying father, the present mother, because they do not know what I know.

I know the pain of relationship breaking and relationship re-building can be some of the best part of me.

I know that there is a Father who will never leave me or forsake me.

I know that abandonment is not the final word on the trajectory of my life.

I know that when I choose to honor no matter what circumstance surrounds me I live under the smile of God.

There is no card that expresses honestly what is in my heart so I don’t join the human clump jostling about the card aisle.

Instead, I celebrate the man, my terra firma father, on the day God brought him from the womb, promise breathed and promise still being fulfilled. This birth day happens to fall just days after the Hallmark invention and I receive it as a gift.

I have learned it is a gift to honor regardless of deservedness.

I’ve learned to love despite the frailties, the imperfections, the leavings.

I have learned it’s the way He has first loved me.

Hand cradling baby feet

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5 thoughts on “When There Is No Father’s Day Card

  1. One of those painful moments in life that drives us to the foot of the cross so that, by the Holy Spirit, we can learn from our Heavenly Father the truth about who we are. There is no card for the Father who stays and does not know how to love his children the way Father God intended either. Though we are blessed that in some cases God is able to redeem the relationship, and there is much evidence of wisdom and transformation over the years, I’m not sure there’s any way to truly recover what was lost. The wounds are evident for a lifetime it seems. Nevertheless, we Praise God, knowing full well that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine and recognizing that our hope is in God. “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” [Romans 5:5 NLT]

    • Karen,
      Thank you for wielding the sword of God’s word. It is the only thing we can stake our lives on when we are wounded beyond what we would label as “recovered”. I so appreciate your gift to bring what God says about anything and everything to the forefront.
      Blessings abound to you, my friend.

  2. I so appreciate your honesty, Mitsie, and your example. We do embrace the honoring and there is truly a “freedom” in that place. God knows. And, in our lives, we have so much to be thankful for. Love you, Mits.

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